JACK AND THE HAUNTED HOUSE

Once upon a time a boy named Jack lived at home with his mother. They were very poor, and Jack's mother could no longer pay the mortgage. She had taken out an adjustable rate subprime mortgage. She decided it was time for Jack to go out in the world to seek his fortune.

Jack met a man who told him that there was a fortune in the house upon a hill just yonder. The only catch - it was haunted by a skeleton. Jack went in and found a fire in the fireplace. Then he heard a hullabaloo in the chimney, and down came a pair of skeleton feet. But they weren't attached to the rest of the skeleton. They didn't have a leg to stand on. They were foot loose and fancy free. Jack looked up the chimney for the rest of the skeleton. “Hey, shake a leg,” he called. And down came a pair of legs. They connected to the foot bones and started dancing around the room to the tune of “I ain't got nobody.” Jack yelled up the chimney, “Hey, is any body up there? Somebody come on down,” and down came a hip bone, a back bone, a shoulder bone, and some prime ribs. “Throw down your arms,” Jack yelled up the chimney. After the skeleton was fully armed, Jack called up the chimney once more. “I need a hand or two. Can you give me a hand?” The chimney obliged. But when he called for the head bone, nothing happened. The skeleton could not rest in peace until all his bones were back together. He needed a human boy to help him find it. Who do you think that was?